Over It, Amber Is.

I began this blog thinking I would chronicle my goings ons and happenings, because I live in an awesome city and I do awesome things, because I am by default awesome. However, since this blog is also about me, I'm going to vent about dating in SF.

I am a recovering serial monogamist. In high school, I stayed with the first guy I slept with for two and a half years. Then when I went to college, I met someone else and the combination of that, plus the fact that the high school boyfriend was just failing in life, made me seamlessly move on to my college boyfriend. We broke up during freshman year, but we continued to live and work together the following summer. I was really devastated, but then I met my next boyfriend in class and we dated for another two and half years, then were off and on for two and half years after that. During the second two and half years, I also dated another guy with whom I was madly in love, and one I met in Israel that I was involved with for years as well.

Dating multiple people for extended periods of time was maybe a defense mechanism for getting hurt? Maybe a matter of circumstance since we didn't live in the same place after awhile? Either way, it was a foreshadowing of what was to come in SF.

I have only had one official boyfriend since living here. And that only technically lasted about 6 months. AND? I've lived here for four years. And? I hate being single. HATE.

I date a lot people. I date a lot of people at once. I only do that because if I don't, I get attached and that's problematic since it never goes anywhere. However, often, inevitably, I get attached anyway. Sometimes I'll play the coy 'I don't care' card, but sometimes I just get frustrated and will ask what's going on. Either way, the answer always seems to be the same- not interested, don't want a girlfriend.

Only, all of my 'ex's' - if you can call them that, currently have girlfriends. And I can't help but feel like an ugly, fat, stupid, messy, undesirable girl, if I was the last person they were all with and now they all have girlfriends.

I've failed to mention something else- and that's that my ex's from Santa Cruz and that time in my life are all still very close to me. Some of them still tell me how incredible I am and how much they want to be with me. And that's a far cry from how dismissive everyone is in transient SF. I'm so spoiled and I didn't even realize it.

I just feel... empty.

On Why I Love My Roomate

12:22 PM Dana: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VXY5OVBXpM

this is benjys friend

me: dude. he's so fresh.

12:23 PM -sidenote, CAN one use the words 'dude' and 'fresh' in a sentence? isn't that like, a mullato sentence or something?

Dana: no it actually works perfectly

12:24 PM me: because they're both so circa 1992?

:)

Dana: yes

me: lol